Dating

What’s your name? Can I get to know you? I think you’re cute. Can I have your number? Those classic lines all start the potential to “dating”. We all take chances when we meet someone that catches our eye or attention. However, dating is not what it used to be. There is no talking for hours on end and sharing a milkshake at the nearby burger joint. Nope!

Welcome to dating 2010. Where you are expected to drop the panties on the first night and be ready to get married by the 2^nd date. Men and women expect different things out of a relationship. The differences cause a mix-match of intentions and lack of meaningful relationships. Broken hearts are the in thing and booty calls are the in thing.

It’s not just men anymore who would rather get a good bedroom romp in and move onto the next one. This is come about from many hurt hearts who are trying to avoid a relationship like it’s the plague. You can’t get hurt if you don’t put your heart out there, right? Well, many women in today’s society feel used and abused. Many men have danced around commitment long enough to create a generation of women who refuse to be held down by a relationship. Women have made the decision to have their cake and eat it to now. Why settle for a false relationship when you get the maintenance without the drama?

On the other hand, men are being scared away from settling down. Women are rushing the thought of marriage and commitment as soon as the first date. As soon as they meet the guy, they are sizing them up to see if they are marriage and father material. They are already envisioning the house with the picket fence and the 2.5 kids. I can’t blame a man for running when their life is already being planned for them after just one date.

Expectations from the opposite sex are hindrances to finding the compatible mate. People already have in their mind the type of person they are looking for. Whether it be physical, financial or personality traits, their soul mate must have those qualities. Unfortunately, many people are often disappointed as they cannot find the perfect someone to meet their expectations. Not having an open mind when dating narrows the candidates and one could feel helpless in a sea of un-potential men and women. For instance, Chili from TLC, has a shopping list of qualities that a man must have in order to even be considered. This explains why she is still single. It’s ok to have some preferences, but they should not make or break the possibilities. No one is perfect and finding that person to fit EVERY preference could leave you lonely for a long time.

You can tell that many people are desperate to find love from all the crazy reality shows that have swarmed tv networks. It started with The Bachelor and shows like Flava of Love, Tila Tequila, Tough Love, Rock of Love, etc…People cannot just find that special someone by running into them anymore. They are now lining up candidates and having them battle it out for a chance at love. Now tv addicts…have we learned something here? All reality love shows end up not working or several sequels. Uh…I don’t think dating shows are working either?

So what’s the problem? Are there so many incompatible people out there? Are relationship priorities that screwed up? I say that our expectations are too high. Dating is not dating anymore; especially with the increased use of technology. I previously wrote a blog about the use of texting and social networks taking the place of human interaction. People are so depending on hiding behind the computer screen and the cell phone keypad that they lose their social interaction skills. People would rather text back and forth at the dinner table then actually hold a conversation and deal with real emotions.

What happened to going to dinner or catching a movie? There is nothing wrong with a picnic in the park or even a stroll on the beach. Now people settle for some drinks and 4 hours at the nearest motel for a rendezvous. I have heard many people give up on dating just because the lack of effort is not there or people are just disappointments. Can we ever regain the art of courting again? Not too many people believe in old-fashioned dating. Guess all the single people have to settle for the occasional booty call and nothing more….

Pre-nup: lack of trust or financial security?

Recently, I have seen a lot of discussion on pre-nups. Some people are totally against it and others are all for it. I don’t think there are many out there that may be on the fence about this topic. All in all, let’s face it. Nobody likes to part ways with their hard earned money. I remember having a discussion with one of my close male friends in regards to pre-nups. Oddly enough, we both agreed that pre-nups are the way to go in today’s society.

Love is an interesting thing. Many people will fall in love and expect that happily ever after. Unfortunately, in today’s generation we are over whelmed with the growing number of divorce cases arising each year. In 2009 alone, 40-50% of marriages ended in divorce. That is a sad statistic when only half of us are staying married and the rest are fleeing from relationships.

A lot of people hate to make the comparison of a relationship to business, but let’s be honest here people! A marriage is an agreement to work together through thick and thin. Through the good times and the bad. Through sickness and health. This applies to a business partnership as well. Both parties agree to hold their equal weight in order to make the business work. So the same morality goes for a marriage. In a business they ensure they cover their finances from the gate. Why would it be any different for a marriage? If the marriage doesn’t work, both parties should walk away with what they brought in. It’s sickening to hear that one party ends up with a crazy amount of alimony and for what???? Just the fact that you walked down the aisle with the person!?

Now this is just my opinion and many may disagree. In today’s various situations, I believe that having a pre-nup before you get married is actually a smart move. There are too many people just marrying for a financial upgrade or to reap the benefits from someone’s fame. Love may or may not be a key factor in a marriage, but everyone has to keep their assets safe. We are in a struggling economy and the last thing one needs is some perpetrator trying to steal what you worked so hard to get and maintain.

On another note, there are many court cases that get nasty. Especially when there are children involved. Many marriages start off with step-children and then they add to the family. A pre-nup can ensure that the children from outside the marriage are not left flapping in the winds when the marriage goes sour. The children shouldn’t suffer because daddy’s new ex-wife decided to clean out the bank account through alimony.

What better way than to safeguard yourself then to put it in writing and sign on the dotted line? It shouldn’t boil down to trust and loving the other person. Nowadays you have to play it smart and realistic. People change and people are not always genuine. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where the other half gets the house, cars, and off-shore bank accounts. Then you are stuck making minimum wage and kicking yourself for not doing a pre-nup in the first place. Like Tina said, “What’s love got to do with it?”

Single mother = single daughters?

I read an article today on CNN.com titled “Single moms raising girls to remain single?” Now this caught my attention as I am a single mother raising a little girl. I found it quite interesting that the author of the article stated that sometimes parents can pass on their fears to their children. I believe that to be true. Growing up I’ve heard many times from my mother that you can’t trust a lot of men. However, my mother has been happily married for the past 30 years to my father. So where does such talk come from???

My mother told me about her past experiences with men and the horrible situations she went through. This is how I can understand that she is just preparing me to be cautious. Currently being in the dating game, I can agree with her statement. Though this may sound one sided, I am sure that guys heard the opposite from their parents. In general, people cannot be trusted. Our parents try to prepare us to deal with the world as we get older. Though a lot of time we have to learn on our own what dating, relationships, and love are all about.

The author of the article stated, “I won't say that my childhood experience is the sole reason for all the other unmarried successful women. However, it does provide some potential insight as to what may be holding women back from finding that potential mate.” This could be a good case in point. Many women maybe scarred from seeing their parents relationships fail so they lack the faith in relationships.

It is hard to deny the fears that single mothers experience. However, I believe it shows little girls that they do not need a man to survive. It is nice to be in love and have a man in your corner. However, single mothers can be proud they are setting an example for their daughters. I know that I try to teach my daughter to work hard and follow her passions. She sees me work hard and continue my education. I am fully independent and it brings joy to my heart that she wants to be just like me. She knows that I am single and hopes one day I find someone to share my life. She is also smart enough to know that regardless of me being single or not, that I am going to work hard and be independent. I think this is important for young women to understand. Women have struggled in the shadows of men for years and its about time we stand on our own.

I am not upset that I cannot find a man. I actually love the fact that I am not relying on a man to marry me and take me out of my parent’s house. I have done everything on my own. I have shown myself that I CAN DO IT! I have the confidence to take on anything and not rely on someone else to help me live my life and dictate my happiness. Little girls should be empowered with the same feeling.
I agree that some traits good or bad are passed down to our children. However, if they understand where you are coming from and shape their own destiny, it would not be considered raising girls to remain single. This was an interesting concept…it makes you take a look at what you inform your children with. Hopefully its tips and not laws on how to live…they need to find out what works out best for them.

Link: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/personal/05/06/rr.single.moms.single.daughters/index.html

Rapping: a surviving art form or a financial calling?

Eric Sermon put a hot remix to one of Marvin Gaye’s song to put out “Music Makes Me High”. I must confess that I cannot go a day without listening to music. Though I am an R&B baby, I have to give the credit to the real hip hop artists out there. Hip Hop has come a long way since the early eighties and the days of Rapper’s Delight. Not only has hip hop put rapping on the music industry map, but it has become a full blown art form and culture in present day.

Back in the day, artists would spend the time writing their lyrics or even rapping about reality. That was the most attention catching aspect of rapping. Artists were putting a twist on poetry and spoken word. Next thing you know, they are flowing to beats and instrumentals. Real artists will make sense of their lyrics and tell you a story. That is what I miss from present day hip hop. It has gone from appreciating the art form to just making money and riding the fame for a few years.

A lot of these artists today do not have the capability to even attempt the longevity that LL Cool J has or even the likes of Snoop, Dr. Dre, and Jay-Z. While these rappers are now in their “producing” and “ghostwriting” years, the newbies are busy “walking it out”, doing the “stanky leg”, and “rogering that”! Though many songs today, got some hot beats and popular demand behind them, they lack substance and true creativity. Now this is just my opinion, but I believe many people believe that hip hop is dead. Though I don’t fully believe in that concept, I must agree to a certain extent. The passion behind the music is slowly dying. However, there are real hip hop artists that still bring originality, story-telling, and the art of emceeing. These artists remain under-rated in the industry of soldier boys and wacka flaka flames.

I feel as though there is a lagging respect for the hip hop art form that legendary artists have spent so much time and hard work to build. Yet, here comes these “dumbed-down” artists who out sell them in record sales. Does the new generation need to be schooled on REAL hip hop? Are they missing the point behind it? Why do I have to settle for listening to club bangers that lack the cohesiveness of actual words? The beats are good to nod your head to, but the lyrical substance is just not there.

It makes me question if these so-called artists are actually in the industry to spread their passion for hip hop or if they just want the Beamers, Benz, and Bentleys? A lot of them lack the talent and skill to put together a song that actually means something. The occasional dance song is good, but when the airwaves get flooded with “crap” it is sad that recording labels are not even supporting the art-form. It’s all about selling out arenas for the money and not to please the fans. It’s about the mortgage priced chain around the neck and the video sluts lap dancing after the video shoot is over. I can honestly say, I respect people who are about their business and want to pursue their dreams. However, current rap songs and videos support the negative stereotype that many real artists tried and are continuing to fight over the decades.

Ask a kid what they want to be when they grow up….a little boy would probably say he wants to be the next Lil Wayne and the little girl wants to be the next Nick Minaj. Though it is good that the new generation is supporting the hip hop game and continuing the legacies, they are currently steering it in the wrong direction. The industry is more than just spitting a few bars into a microphone or hyping up the crowd. What about learning the history, business, and true essence of hip hop? The flow of words over a beat machine has changed…the passion is little to none and we have to see Gucci Mane’s “Lemonade” video give me a lesson on flossin’ yellow ice. Current day music does not make me high…it leaves me feeling numb and dumbed out.